Model: Motivations -> Actions -> Goals

Pre-amble

We would like to add the disclaimer that while detachment as described below might come across as borderline sociopathic, the reality is that children who experience ACE/DTD/CPTSD are forced to adapt due to their situation. Even more so when they to do not have the option to dissociate from their experiences.

In a world that does not make sense, it is logical for children to invent and adopt the behaviours that will ultimately keep them safe, or at the very least as safe as possible.

If a child is neurodivergent and adult connection is unavailable, this goes even double or triple so. Because a logical system will have to be build to compensate for the human explanations. Especially when we take into account how this world is inherently traumatizing, and especially for children/people who do not have an intuitive aptitude towards understanding Christo-colonial society.

Deducing and adopting the rules of the world becomes a first nature. Because for people like us, survival depends on it.

Model

Ever since we were young, we struggled to make sense of the world.

When one’s own parents are not exactly perfect role-models, whom by no real fault of their own were incapable of providing the necessary guidance to a severely AuDHD child, it’s easy to understand why a lot of things went wrong.

Surprise! It was their own (generational) trauma!

Thus the necessity to build one’s own understanding of the world became inevitable. We sometimes joke that we are a self-taught profiler. Though the truth is likely not far from that.

One of the models that we developed was the Motivations -> Actions -> Goals mental-model.

The Motivations->Actions->Goals model is a reductional model that we use to analyze and align the motivations, actions and goals.

To rephrase this, we posit that by knowing or being able to deduce two out of three aspects, we can deduce the remaining aspect.

In other words:

• If we know the motivations and actions, we can deduce the goals.
• If we know the motivations and goals, we can deduce the actions.
• If we know the actions and goals, we can deduce the motivations.

If a person’s action(s) seem unclear or misaligned, the intention behind the action(s) can often reverse-engineered by analyzing what a person’s motivations and goals are.

Some examples:

• A person lashing out at someone may in fact be seeking validation while they are emotionally motivated by a fear of abandonment.
• A person who is ambitious in a particular field may accept an invitation to participate in something that would from the outside seem illogical, where this may fullfil a personal goal or even provide a networking opportunity. Despite the perceived motivators, this is something that the do have a certain emotional motivator for. It is just not the one that we perceive and thus is comes across as out of character.

It is our experience that this model works especially well for persons who are unable or unwilling to communicate their intentions.

Inversely, this is also a great method for introspection and to learn about oneself. Because as a good friend of ours, at one point, told us;

Always ask yourself what do you get out of it even though it makes you unhappy.

Because there’s always something that creates investment.

And for children and adults with ACE/CPTSD/DTD, reverse-engineering someone’s psychological model is safer than asking.

Because in a world where questions are perceived as a threat, questions are inherently dangerous to ask.